My name is Sally and I am a recovering psychaholic. “When am I going to meet my soul mate?” or “What lies ahead in the realm of relationships?” are questions I have continually posed to astrologers, tarot-card readers, spiritual gurus, mediums, and, on one occasion, a drum-thumping medicine man. We are talking about hard-earned cash paid out over a period of years here, in an attempt to get a leg up, romantically speaking. If your love life is similarly challenged, here’s the scoop on how to separate the real deals from the hooey machines should you be inclined to submit to this form of faith healing. Today’s psychaholic is tomorrow’s skeptic, once you’ve been around the block a few times. Point #1: There are lots more hooey machines than there is anyone who can accurately predict your next heart throb. Point #2: Anyone bold enough to give you bad news is probably telling you the truth. Think of accuracy as analogous to an avalanche of silver coins if you happen to play the slot machines at Delaware Park. You might win, but the odds are you won’t. It helps, too, to regard the money you give to a “reader” as tantamount to the money you would otherwise spend on the slots, or a floor show, or a box of Belgian chocolates. Be sure it’s disposable income set aside for fun—not the mortgage money. Point #3: If you are feeling desperate or vulnerable, be careful about whom you consult. In May 2005, I sought the services of a woman who was visiting Philadelphia from her native India, where she is worshipped as a deity. Her acolytes—kind and likable, by the way—told the throng who’d gathered to write one wish on the card, which the deity would grant. Trouble finding a special relationship, I wrote, faithfully handing the deity my card. She tousled my hair and said with what seems, belatedly, like a shrug of ennui, “You can marry next year.” (Actually, what I wanted was hot sex, but that is not the sort of thing one requests from a guru who has given orders, through her acolytes, to dress discreetly for the blessing and not do things like pull on her skirt.) Nearing the end of 2006, no suitor looms. But I’ve evolved from the borderline basket case who believed in the deity’s powers to someone who’s merely disillusioned. A correction, no? Point #4: Beware of too-general predictions that are fraught with the power of suggestion. “Around February 2006, a friendship will blossom into a romance in a way that’s very exciting and continue into 2007,” a local astrologer told me. Although I’m still waiting, I’m starting to re-evaluate a long-time male chum, wondering if he’s interested in hot sex. The Bush administration’s timetable for victory in Iraq is a piker compared to this countdown. While certain forecasts eventually pan out, do not postpone vacations or purchase Valentine’s presents ahead of any physical manifestation. (I have done this.) Besides, the money you save is money you may need to find a more reliable psychic. |